No Ring, No Bring
Feb. 4th, 2010
Ok, so I am beyond frustrated. I had nearly finished writing the whole of this week's The Ride on blogger.com when my entire computer randomly shut down and everything was lost. So I shall try and attempt this for the second time in an hour.
It seems in the past 8 months that the entire world has gotten engaged. Now, a large majority of my friends from home and school have been married for awhile and are now having kids, but my London friends had been holding out. But in the past year that has all changed. One by one London is getting engaged. Then it seems like over Christmas and New Year it was everyone from Russell Brand to (allegedly) Kate Moss. Meanwhile, I find myself wondering if I am going to turn out like Jennifer Aniston's character in "He's Just Not That Into You" but minus the happy ending.
What really makes me wonder though... is why? Why does my generation still hold so much stock in the institution of marriage. As I near my 30th birthday and also my move date from London to CA, it's a question that is unavoidable. So are you married yet? Are you and Matt going to get married? When do you think you'll get engaged? It's just so easy to get sucked into that world of the 4 C's and some sappy engagement story and believe me, I have been sucked in hook, line and sinker.
The reason I find this topic interesting is that I would say a solid 70% of my friends and acquaintances both here and at home come from either broken homes or seriously disfuntional families in regards to marriage. So yes some parents may still be together, but living in separate wings of the house or having their bit on the side at the ski chalet does not count. You may as well be divorced and are certainly not grounds for a good marriage example. I hate to point the finger at our parents, but come on... I don't know many divorced grandparents. Our generation are only 1 generation off of when marriage was forever. Now marriage is 'til divorce do us part and is a very big gamble.
Many of us are intelligent and savvy business people. Would any of us invest everything we have into a venture in which the odds are only a 50% success rate? Somehow I doubt it. Yet the dream is still there. Sure there are some examples out there of the happily unmarried, but it's far too progressive for the majority of society. Besides, we all know Johnny Depp would marry Vanessa Paradis "in a minute" anyway. Yet my entire generation, bar a few, all see themselves getting married and having a family. Having a family, I get.. but why do we need to be married to have a family. One of the great things about living in the UK is that it's close enough to Europe to have had many forward thinking and liberal views rubbed off onto it. Many couples over here have children and are not married and no one blinks an eye. In the States, those children would still be seen as "bastards". I actually don't know anyone at home who has a child outside of marriage and I am sure it would be gossiped about if it did happen. Over here I know loads and no one gossips about it as it's nothing new.
Yet, I still want to get married and have my own family. It is because I come from a very tight family unit where we have no divorce on either side? Or is because it's what is expected of young women my age? Is it because I am still quite conservative (that Newport upbringing) and do want to get married and then have children? Is it because it's just what you do and what we all want and are taught if you don't want this then there is something wrong with you? Or is it because we are in love and want to spend the rest of our lives with this other person and love them so much that we want to have their children?
I guess only time will tell if my generation does marriage more justice than our parents. In the meantime, I am off to another engagement party.
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Here here Corre, as a fellow ambitious working female nearing the big 30 I totally agree... 8 weddings last year and the need for everyone to ask when you are getting married before asking you what you do for a living.. Total madness, and evenings with smug married's who actually appear to pity you for not having a rock on your left hand.. Here's to being in our prime and in happy relationships and looking forward to feeling smug at all of the divorce parties that will follow in due course...Eades x
ReplyDeleteGet married, it's amazing, best thing I ever did apart from children. You need to have the right 'one' though, it you do then don't wait! x
ReplyDeleteWith a 50% chance for survival get a prenup!
ReplyDeleteUgh. Ideas like this torture me. I'll never know why it is so important to me to get married. I don't even want kids (or, I've never met anyone I want to have kids with)and I'm still obsessed with the idea of tying the knot. Luckily, nobody in Los Angeles gets married before they are 30, so I've still got time,I guess. The trick (for me) is finding someone that is suitable, and in LA, that's no easy feat!
ReplyDeleteLA... Toughest city in the world to find a guy.
ReplyDeleteMarriage and children are a wonderful thing if and only if you are with the right person. A relationship is work but having a child with the person you love is something you only understand when it happens. I find people that dog marriage are people that have had their heart broken one too many times and/or are with the wrong person. That is fine, but there is still something to be said for the institution. It is still a contract anyway you look at it. You decide not to do it, that is the risk you run. Particularly if you have assets.
ReplyDelete